If you are a socially adjusted person in your home culture, you will experience culture shock in another. Only a misfit at home can conclude that there are no abrasive rubs as they enter another culture. The culture shock curve may go through many stages from the romance of a honeymoon to a startling and offensive conflict. Over time the rubs feel almost natural and expectations adjust to meet reality. Yet, there is always a cultural fatigue that wears on even the most seasoned. In the end, as we adapt to many new cultures, we internally become cultural refugees that are most at home in transition. Never again we will call one geographic location our true home.
For me, one of the most offensive learning curves was the realization that all men are not created equal. My U.S. constitution states equality. Given our U.S. history still is working out the hiccups, but I know my cultural ideals. Maybe, even my own pride enters into the mix. I want to believe that I have arrived and should stand as peers with others. Instead there are those better educated and more seasoned. However, my cultural dream of equality makes me miss their guidance.
When I first entered this region I was befriended by a kind African peer. My friend helped me adapt to life and gave me some guidance that prevented major blunders. He was related to the king of an ethnic group who still honored the monarchy tradition. I found great social pride in my friendship with a king’s relative known for his kindness and wisdom. It was unlikely to happen, but if there were 3 unique deaths in my friend’s extended family he would sit on the throne. One day, our conversation turned to what would happen if my friend’s family’s tragedy turned to his opportunity. My friend began to talk about all the wealth and prestige he would accumulate. I was shocked. What had happened to the heart of my humble and kind friend? Was his heart really this corrupt? Was he only it all for wealth and prestige? Did he only help others so he could help himself? Then the conversation abruptly turned. My friend simply stated, “And with these resources I will build roads, schools, and hospitals.” His dream was the prosperity of his people. The mechanism to accomplish his dream would require authority. Development of a community was impossible in a social system of equality.
All men are not created equal. For those from a western culture, the hierarchy of social relationships can be one of our most initially offensive discoveries. It may mean waiting in line when there seems to be no reason to wait. It may mean being asked to hop through hoops with no purpose. The socially savvy newcomer quickly realizes it is all about showing who is boss. The socially savvy newcomer who intends to make a difference realizes that authority is one of the cultural mechanisms to accomplish good.
I have the privilege to teach Ethics at a local university. The students are delightful and sharpen my thinking. I tell them in my class all options, ideas, and resources are fair game for discussion just so long as they can be argued with a critical mind. I will let them reason holistically without the encumbrances of western compartmentalization, world view, and culture. Though the best papers always find a new creative interpretation some themes continue to run through each thoughtful paper. One of these themes is authority. Someone must have the authority to cast vision, define the standard, and enforce the repercussions. They have no problem with all men not being created equal. In fact, most of them hunger for the appropriate use of authority.
I have to admit now that I’m 15 years older, 20 pounds heavier, have gray in my beard, and am greeted by “mzee” I agree that not all men are created equal.
At my first associate pastor job, our local church had a discussion about worship styles. It was heating up with many advocating their position as God’s ordained. My senior pastor raised a question that I still ponder. “In American what gestures do we use to show respect?” None of us could give an answer, but we knew we were indicted. Rebellion to authority was our mantra.
A year later I entered the Great Lakes Region. After a short time I saw some answers. Many used the same vernacular word in church for “Lord” that they used to describe their boss. Hand placement in a greeting determined hierarchical standing. Some cultures even expected the one in humbler circumstances to kneel to his superior. Given the authority can be exploitive at times, but authority did not necessarily mean corruption.
I came to realize that in my value system there were some values that I esteemed more than equality. Justice required a judge who could sort through conflicting stories and arrive at truth. Compassion required someone to have sufficient resources to make a difference. Order required one to stop chaos. Wisdom required someone to be in teacher role as well as a student. In order for my greatest values to be realized, authority needed to function.
So if you are a newbie or old hat and authority has become offensive, I have some tough words. So what? Deal with it. You’re the guest. It’s time to be a learner. Learn to wait. Treat others with honor. Address them as they want to be addressed. Listen to their advice. Hop through hoops. Discover all you can. Let time do its work.
This may be the biggest culture shock moment you encounter. However, if you want to make a difference and some day be treated with honor you must learn to treat others with honor. In fact, even if they are unreasonable unless it is a violation of human rights it is better to be respectful than right in your own eyes.
Enjoy the journey.
Labels: Loose Lips
